I'm Sorry
by blocked-in
Summary: Five times Sebastian says "I'm sorry" and one time Kurt forgives him. Pre-Kurtbastian.


**So I have some ****_serious_**** editing to do of my latest chapters of Entropy, so here's something to hold you over until I get that done. Read it slowly. And over and over because finals are coming up. I am going into finish-all-the-work-I-didn't-do-earlier mode.**

5.

It's not the first time he's apologized, and he looks no less sincere this time. But, honestly, Kurt is just not going to let it go. It's one thing to trade insults and nasty barbs, but threatening them with blackmail and almost blinding his (ex)boyfriend, that's just unacceptable. Blaine got really hurt. Kurt points this out and Sebastian is quick to point out that Blaine also forgave him already. Kurt glares at him for a moment more before snappily telling him that he isn't going to forgive him. Sebastian's eyes darken a little with what Kurt would normally label regret and perhaps a hint of bitterness. He nods his head and, just as sincerely as he apologized, says he understands. Kurt turns on his heel and walks away. Sebastian calls to him one more time before he gets too far.

"I really am sorry, Kurt," he tells him. Kurt pretends not to hear.

4.

They're friends now. Or something. Kurt isn't even sure anymore. Sebastian somehow weaseled his way into his life and now he'd a pest that Kurt has no idea out to get rid of. He's pretty sure Sebastian sticks around for Santana mostly. They're kind of the same person. That sometimes makes Kurt wonder if Sebastian is running from the same demons Santana is. Either way, it's not really a shock anymore to find Sebastian in the loft when he gets home from class.

But it is unwelcome today. It's just been a shitty fucking far. His early class went overtime and he was late to his second class which got him sent right back out because f course the instructor was a stickler for punctuality. Then, Ms. July had come down on him in dance class for a slightly clumsy tor jette and made him do about a thousand of them while the rest of the class looked on. It didn't seem like a hard move except when you did them over and over, your legs felt like jelly. He had missed lunch because he had a rehearsal and then Adam, darling though he was, had kept them late at Apples because there were some harmonies he wanted to have absolutely perfect. Kurt exhausted and frustrated and just had to walk four blocks because there is a transit strike. He wants tea and some relaxing music and quiet. So of course Sebastian is there.

He stalks past him and ignores his opening jabs, reaching for his favorite tea and whishing Santana would get out of the damn shower and entertain the meerkat. Sebastian stands from the couch and comes to lean on the counter, asking why Kurt is ignoring him. Kurt turns a dark, angry pair of stormy blue eyes on him.

He finished the description of his day be remaking that nothing could be worse than coming home to see Sebastian in his living room. Sebastian looks almost hurt for a moment. He frowns and stutters out, "I'm sorry." Kurt snorts and grabs his tea and storms behind his privacy curtain. He vaguely hears Sebastian calling a goodbye to the general loft and the door closes a minute later. Kurt sighs and lets himself relax.

3.

Blaine is back.

It hurts to see him still. Maybe it will always hurt. Blaine betrayed him in the worst way and Kurt still can't forgive him, even if he said he did. The worst part is how Blaine follows him like a lost puppy, acting like he doesn't know why Kurt's mad at him. Kurt thinks he should give Blaine more credit. It almost seems, sometimes, as if he really doesn't know what he did wrong.

Sebastian is there, still. He comes to the loft more and Kurt has kind of gotten used to him. Enough so that Sebastian is the one stuck listening to Kurt's rants about Blaine when he gets home. He rolls his eyes and acts uninterested, but he sits through the entire thing without comment and honestly, Kurt just really needs that.

Today, though, it seems like Sebastian's had enough.

"Kurt, I'm sorry, but shut the fuck up," he exclaims, half way through Kurt's descriptive story about how Blaine tried to force his way into the Adam's Apples despite Adam's kind but firm insistence that they didn't need any more participants (Kurt knew it was for his sake and he had never valued Adam's friendship more than at his moment).

Kurt stares at Sebastian. He's fuming. Sebastian glares him down, making sure he'll stay silent before starting in on his own rant. Apparently, he hates listening to Kurt rant. Either get back together with him and settle for a life of mediocrity, he says, or cut him loose and set him straight. There are choice adjectives thrown in there, but that's the gist of his speech. He gets up afterward and leaves. Kurt is still in a mild state of shock when the sound of the door slamming finally stops echoing around their loft.

2.

"I'm sorry," if the first thing out of his mouth when he shows up on Kurt's doorstep on Saturday.

He's still half asleep and in his pjs and all he wants is coffee and for Sebastian to stop talking so quickly so he can actually understand the words. He mumbles something to that effect and walks toward the kitchen, letting Sebastian follow him and close the door behind himself. When he's brewed his coffee and shaken himself awake, he looks over and Sebastian allows him to continue.

As Sebastian talks, he gets more and more angry, not just at Blaine, but at Sebastian, too. He knows Sebastian can handle his alcohol. And he knows Blaine definitely can't. He knows Sebastian knows that Blaine gets horny when he drinks and he knows Sebastian knows that Kurt and Blaine just for back together. It isn't, will never be, okay that Sebastian spelt with him, drunk or not. And he tells Sebastian this. To his credit, he looks positively heartbroken. Kurt only tells him quietly to leave. When Sebastian doesn't move right away, Kurt snaps and throws his full coffee mug at Sebastian, screaming for him to leave. The mug and coffee thankfully miss Sebastian by inches, but he runs from the loft with another apology on his lips. Kurt allows himself to cry after he leaves, but he's not sure if it's for Blaine or Sebastian.

1.

He doesn't allow Sebastian back into their lives after that. Santana, though, doesn't seem to care. She still talks to him, still sees him, still invites him to the loft. Sebastian has enough sense, and enough of a self-preservation instinct, to turn down these invitations, but he doesn't turn down hanging out with her outside of the loft.

If he does come by, it's only for a few minutes to pick her up to go out somewhere. And he usually plans it so he misses Kurt. But today, Kurt's class was cancelled. He comes home early and finds Sebastian on the couch, fiddling with his phone, waiting for Santana to finish getting ready. He looks up warily at Kurt. Kurt mostly ignores him. He's just closing the curtain to his 'bedroom' when he hears a very quiet "I'm sorry". He peeks at Sebastian. He doesn't make eye contact.

He's not sure what Sebastian is apologizing for – being there when he was, or just apologizing again for what happened with Blaine. Sebastian doesn't even look like he knows, either. It could simply be a single apology for every horrible thing he ever did to Kurt. Kurt can't be sure, but he snaps the curtain shut on Sebastian and hides his face in his pillow so Sebastian won't hear him cry.

+1.

Kurt doesn't miss Sebastian. He really doesn't. Having Sebastian around was just a huge thorn in his side and he really is glad to be rid of him. After the one incident in the loft, even Santana had stopped inviting him. And now, she's moving out. He won't be around ever again. Kurt can't say he's sad about it.

Okay, yes, Sebastian would be good company. If he kept his mouth shut, maybe. And, yeah, he was a good listener, but those weren't heard to come by. Adam was a fantastic listener and he gave good advice to boot. And so what if Sebastian was the only person who could keep up with Kurt without being really nasty like Santana could be. But, whatever, all that negativity is something he could definitely do without. It is probably doing wonders for his skin or something. So, no, he really does not miss Sebastian.

He's thinking this as he exits to subway. It's pouring rain and it's been over a month since he last saw Sebastian. He puts up his umbrella and huddles underneath it as the wind blows rain against his light spring jacket. He pushes his way through the crowds of people on the street, worming and weaving his way between all the other open umbrellas and disgruntled New Yorkers. He looks down into his bag, digging for his keys when he hears a voice. Sebastian is standing outside his building, looking less like a meerkat and a lot more like a sad, drowned chipmunk. A very, very large sad, drowned chipmunk.

Kurt lets his bag fall back to his side and stands there in front of Sebastian, staring at him. He ignores the grumbles and nasty comments from the people he's blocking on the street. He's too preoccupied with the realization that he has missed Sebastian. A lot.

Sebastian smiles warily, hunching his shoulders in as the wind blows through. His jacket doesn't look nearly thick enough to ward off the cold, and even if it were, it's soaked through. Despite the amount of rain coming down, Kurt would guess he had been standing there for an hour, at least. Sebastian bites his lip when Kurt still doesn't move or say anything.

"Did I mention I'm sorry?" he calls to him over the pouring rain and the sound of taxis screeching toward the sidewalks to pick up passengers.

Kurt finally steps toward him from the middle of the sidewalk. He takes a breath and looks up at Sebastian. He nods slowly.

"It may have come up once or twice," he admits. Sebastian gives him another small smile.

"Well, I really am sorry," he repeats, his voice lower now that Kurt's come closer. Kurt blinks up at him and feels an empty place inside his chest begin to warm. It isn't filling back up, and it won't for a while longer, but it's waking up again. He gives Sebastian a smile in return and holds his umbrella over Sebastian's head, even though it's really too late.

"I know you are," Kurt says. He pulls his keys from his bag as Sebastian holds the umbrella over both of them. He unlocks the door and stands in the open doorway, looking at Sebastian.

"Come on up," he says. Sebastian's smile widens and he steps across the threshold and back into Kurt's life.


End file.
